Combustible Celluloid
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With: Dorothy Stratten, Stephen Macht, Avery Schreiber, J.D. Hinton, Lionel Mark Smith, Tad Horino, Ronald Knight, Percy Rodrigues, Herb Kaplowitz, Stephen Morrell, Angelo Rossitto, Nancy Macauley, Fred D. Scott, David A. Cox, Peter Schrum
Written by: William Sachs
Directed by: William Sachs
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 95
Date: 06/06/1980

Galaxina (1980)

2 Stars (out of 4)

Space Bunny

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

The main image you'll see around Galaxina is the gorgeous Dorothy Stratten, who had been a Playboy Centerfold in 1979, and Playmate of the Year in 1980. She's shown here in a skin-tight, sexy white uniform, and her picture is more than enough to sell a thousand movies.

Unfortunately, the actual movie isn't much. Stratten in fact plays a robot and doesn't do or say much for at least the first half of the movie; and, despite her Playboy status, she keeps her clothes on. Then we've got the rest of the movie to deal with: it's a lazy attempt to spoof the popular sci-fi movies of the day, including Star Wars, Alien, and many others, but the jokes are little more than references and they simply don't work.

Cheeseball comedian Avery Schreiber -- who was best known at the time for Doritos chips commercials -- stars as Captain Cornelius Butt. He commands a space police cruiser populated with a lazy, bored crew: Sergeant Thor (Stephen Macht) and Buzz (J.D. Hinton), the engineer Maurice (Lionel Mark Smith), with little bat wings on his shoulders, and the wisdom-spouting Sam Wo (Tad Horino). At one point, Thor confesses his love for Galaxina, but receives an electric shock when he tries to kiss her.

The crew gets a mission that requires them to travel for 27 years, so they go into hypersleep. Galaxina uses this time to modify herself so that she can be a proper lover for Thor. Unfortunately, when they arrive at their destination, Galaxina must go on a dangerous mission alone.

Oddly, for such a sluggishly-paced, totally unfunny movie, Galaxina actually looks really good, a bonus on Blu-Ray; the spacious sets are mostly first-class, even if the outer space visual effects are strictly grade-school. Still, no set or effect has the power of one glimpse of Stratten from a specific angle. Sadly, her scumbag husband murdered her in the summer of 1980, when she was just 20. Her story was told in two biopics: Bob Fosse's Star 80 (1983), and the made-for-TV Death of a Centerfold: The Dorothy Stratten Story (1981).

Mill Creek recently released Galaxina on a good-looking Blu-Ray with no extras. It comes with, for no particular reason, a second feature, The Crater Lake Monster (1977), a really dreadful movie that at least has a funky stop-motion dinosaur. Mill Creek also sent me a double-feature of spaghetti Westerns, The Last Gun (1964) and 4 Dollars of Revenge (1968). If you've ever heard the phrase "dime-a-dozen," these two unremarkable movies might certainly help explain what it means.{subid}&url=hitlist.asp?searchfield=marvel
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