Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)

Re-'Deuce,' Reuse, Regret

By Rob Blackwelder, SPLICEDwire

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After Rob Schneider's last two no-brow comedies -- The Hot Chick and The Animal -- underperformed at the box office, he couldn't get work outside of his requisite cameos in Adam Sandler flicks. So he sat down with his buddies and wrote a sequel to Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, his last (inexplicable) hit movie based on the ludicrous notion that there are lonely women out there desperate enough to pay to have sex with him.

Due entirely to its gratuitous political incorrectness, that movie eked out a few good chuckles, which is more than can be said for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, which is not just laughless, but downright boring and entirely dependent on every character being an imbecile in order for the plot to advance. Although, I did get through it without being overwhelmed by the urge strangle myself, so the movie has that going for it.

This time around witless, troll-like Deuce is in Copenhagen (insert dozens of obvious, telegraphed legal pot and prostitution jokes here), where the inept cops can't figure out who's killing all of Europe's top "man-whores." Taking matters into his own hands, he has to date -- as bait -- a series of mutant female suspects (insert dozens of obvious, telegraphed physical-deformity cheap-shots here).

Deuce 2 does get a little clumsy comedic mileage out of the anti-American sentiment presently prevalent in the rest of the world, but Schneider's screenplay is little more than a parade of one-note gags (Deuce stoned on pot brownies, Deuce in a diaper to satisfy a client's fetish) with staggeringly limp punchlines like, "That's the grossest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen some gross things." Director Mike Bigelow (no relation to the character, but seemingly from the same shallow gene pool) goes miles out of his way to set up these bits, barely bothering to tie them together with ham-fisted exposition (that sometimes contradicts itself within a few lines of dialogue) at the beginning of each new set piece.

Making matters worse is Schneider, whose performance is so tedious it quickly becomes clear why he can't get a role outside of his pal Sandler's production company. If he had to audition for his parts, the guy would never work again.

I'll spare the supporting cast forced to act opposite Schneider the embarrassment of naming them, but suffice it to say most of them look embarrassed most of the time -- save the inevitable pretty girl who, quite incomprehensibly, falls for Deuce. The fact that she's even remotely convincing makes her performance almost Oscar-worthy.

Starring: Starring Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Hanna Verboom, Edwin Alofs, Til Schweiger, Douglas Sills, Jeroen Krabbe, Julia Wolov, Michelle Marsh, Becky Rule, Chantal Janzen, Fred Armisen, Johnny de Mol
Written by: Rob Schneider, David Garrett, Jason Ward
Directed by: Mike Bigelow
MPAA Rating: R for pervasive strong crude and sexual humor, language, nudity and drug content
Running Time: 77 minutes
Date: August 12, 2005